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To fall in love with anyone,DO THIS


今天看微信,《纽约时报》刊登一篇情感专栏的文章《你这么做,想爱上任何人都可以》,是美国的一个心理学家发表的实验,在陌生人之间花上45分钟询问36个问题,可以快速让对方产生好感和亲密感。
我倒是产生了很浓厚的兴趣,在颜控的促使下可以在这么短的时间对陌生的对方产生亲密和好感,我并不是很坚信,而且半信半疑。

这个实验基于一个前提,即人们要发展亲密的关系,关键是双方要持续地,不断深入地,互相地对等地坦白自己的人格(sustained, escalating, reciprocal,personalistic self-disclosure)。这个实验还指出两个人之间是否能够变得更加亲密,和他们对重要事物的观点看法是否一样并没有关系;和双方是否期待能够互相喜欢也没有直接关系。

以至于文章的结论就是,人们可以快速喜欢一个陌生人,只要他们彼此之间足够坦诚,互相分享。看到这里,我在想,我是一个透明度极高的人,即使不用太多语言表述自己,我也是一个很容易被别人看穿的人。首先,我不善于说谎,其二,我厌恶虚伪也是无能于伪装。但这个实验的36个问题,引起我强大的兴趣,并不是促使我用这个方法去选择未来伴侣,也不是引发我内心的好奇去尝试与异性沟通,主要我希望通过这三组问题可以真正了解我自己。长时间以来,我善于去观察别人,分析别人,甚至去帮别人纠正,但是我却忽略对自己的了解,忽视了自己内心的真正需求,探寻那个平常乐观,但内心藏有很多悲观主义色彩的内性。

这组问题,好像一套普鲁斯特问卷,深入程度依次递进。

第一组问题:
1. 加入可以选择世界上任何人,你希望邀请谁共进晚餐?


2. 你希望成名吗?在哪一方面?


3. 拨打电话前,你先练习要说的话吗?为什么?


4. 对你来说,怎么样才算完美的一天?


5. 上一次唱歌给自己听是什么时候?唱给别人听是什么时候?


6. 假如你能活到90岁,并且你可以选择让你心智或身体在后60年一直停留在30岁,你会选择哪一个?


7. 关于未来你可能怎么死,你有自己的秘密预感吗?


8. 列举3个你和对方共同拥有的特质。


9.你的人生中最感恩的事情是什么?


10. 加入你可以改变你成长过程中的任何事,你希望哪些改变?


11. 用4分钟的时间,尽可能地向对方讲述你的人生故事。

12. 假如明天早上起床后能获得任何一种能力或特质,你希望是什么?


第二组问题:
13. 假如有颗水晶能告诉你关于自己,人生或未来的一切真相,你想知道什么?


14. 有什么事想做很久了?还没有去做的原因是?


15. 你人生最大的成就是什么?


16. 友情中你最忠实哪一部分?


17. 你最珍贵的回忆是什么?


18. 你最糟糕的回忆是什么?


19. 如果你知道自己在一年内死去,你会改变自己目前的生活方式吗?为什么?


20. 友情对你而言意味着什么?


21. 爱和感情在你生命里扮演什么样的角色?


22. 轮流分享你认为对方拥有的比较好的性格特点。各自提5点。


23. 你的家庭关系亲密温暖吗?你是否觉得自己的童年比大部分人快乐?


24. 你与母亲的关系如何?


第三组问题:
25. 说出三个含有“我们”并且符合实际情况的句子,比如“我们现在都在这个房间里”。

26. 完成这个句子:‘我希望可以跟某个人分享xxxxx"。

27. 如果你要成为对方的密友,有什么事是他或她需要知道的?


28. 告诉对方你喜欢他或什么地方?


29. 和对方分享你人生中尴尬的时刻。


30. 上次在别人面前哭是什么?自己哭又是什么时候?


31. 告诉对方,你现在喜欢他或她什么地方?


32. 有什么事是绝对不能开玩笑的吗?


33. 如果你今天晚上就会死掉,而且与任何人无法联系,你最遗憾还没有告诉别人什么事?为什么还没说?


34. 你的房子起火了,你所有的东西都在里面。在救出所爱的人和宠物猴,你还有时间可以安全地抢救出最后一件东西,你会拿什么?为什么?


35. 在你所有家人当中,谁的死对你的打击最大?为什么?


36. 分享你人生中的一个问题,问对方遇到这样的问题会怎么做。同时也请对方告诉你,在他或她看来,你对这个问题的感受是什么?

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