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Lecture3-effective listening


Chapter 3 Effective listening and feedback
? “If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two mouths and one ear!” Mark Twain

Topic outline
? ? ? ? ?

? Importance of Listening Ten Misconceptions About Listening Listening Process Most Irritating Listening Habits Tips for effective Listening Guidelines for Providing Feedback

“There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.”
W. Clement Stone

Listening:
The Overlooked Skill of the Highly Successful Communicator
"To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as to talk well." -- John Marshall "Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of a witness." -- Margaret Miller

"I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen. “ -- Ernest Hemingway

facts
? 9% writing, 30% speaking} = 39% transmitting ? 16% reading, 45% listening} =61% receiving

What?s listening?
? Listening is the process of hearing and interpreting a message

What?s hearing?
Hearing is the passive and physical process of listening. Hearing is what happens when a message vibrates our eardrum and causes a signal to move to the brain. We may hear a speaker?s words but may not understand their meaning. Hearing may be impacted by outside elements that impact our ability to hear such as noise, physical diversions or technological diversions.

Noise – any sound that disrupts or interferes with the delivery of a message Physical Diversions – any physical element that disrupts or interferes with the delivery of a message Technological Diversions - any technological element that disrupts or interferes with the delivery of a message

Why is Listening Important?
? Amount of time devoted to it:
– 70% of each day engaged communicating – Almost 50% of our communication time in a listening role – for students, time spent listening in class is 90%

? A critical factor in the accomplishment of personal and professional goals.

Importance of Listening, cont.
? In public contexts, effective listening is essential:
– Effective listeners hold higher positions and are promoted more often. – Business managers rank listening as the communication skill most crucial to their jobs. – Students with the highest grades are usually those with the strongest listening skills.

Ten Misconceptions About Listening
1. Listening is a matter of intelligence.
Fact: Careful listening is a learned behavior.

2. Speaking is a more important part of the communication process than listening.
Fact: Speaking and listening are equally important.

3. Listening is easy and requires little energy.
Fact: Active listeners undergo the same physiological changes as a person jogging.

Ten Misconceptions About Listening
4. Listening is an automatic reflex.
Fact: Listening is a conscious, selective process; hearing is an involuntary act.

5. Speakers are able to command listening.
Fact: Speakers cannot make a person really listen.

6. Hearing ability determines listening ability.
Fact: Listening happens mentally – between the ears.

Ten Misconceptions About Listening
7. Speakers are totally responsible for communication success.
Fact: Communication is a two-way street.

8. Listening is only a matter of understanding a speaker?s words.
Fact: Nonverbal signals also help listeners gain understanding.

Ten Misconceptions About Listening
9. Daily practice eliminates the need for listening training.
Fact: Without effective listening training, most practice merely reinforces negative behaviors.

10. Competence in listening develops naturally.
Fact: Untrained people listen at only 25 percent efficiency.

Listening Process
? Hearing the speaker ? Attending to the speaker ? Understanding the speaker

Hearing the Speaker
? Information channel – speaker’s subject ? Verbal channel – Words used by the speaker ? Vocal channel – tone of voice associated with the words ? Body channel – body movements and gestures ? Graphic channel – pictures, charts, etc.

Attending to the Speaker
? Maintain eye contact with the speaker 80% of the time ? Provide continuous feedback to the speaker ? Periodically restate what you heard the speaker say ? Free your mind of all other thoughts ? Move periodically to the understanding step to ensure that the information passed has been adequately understood

Understanding the Speaker
? Four types of listening and their impact on understanding:
– – – – Discriminative listening Comprehensive listening Critical listening Appreciative, or enjoyment listening

倾听 练习1: “传话”的效果
? ◆按讨论小组为单位进 行,先请每个组派1人上 台,每人抽一张老师事 先准备好的写有一句话 的纸条,迅速看上一遍, 教师收回纸条;接着, 回到各自的组悄悄地告 诉第1个人,第1个人又 悄悄地告诉第2个人,以 此类推,直到最后1人; 然后,请最后1个人上台 大声说出他或她听到的。

Most Irritating Listening Habits
1. Rushing the speaker and making him feel he is wasting the listener?s time. 2. Interrupting the speaker. 3. Not looking at the speaker. 4. Getting ahead of the speaker (finishing her thoughts). 5. Not responding to the speaker?s requests.

Most Irritating Listening Habits
6. Showing interest in something other than what the speaker is saying. 7. Saying “Yes, but . . .,” as if the listener?s mind is made up. 8. Topping the speaker?s story with “That reminds me . . .” or “That?s nothing; let me tell you about. . . .”

Most Irritating Listening Habits
9. Forgetting what was talked about previously. 10. Asking too many questions about details.

Based on International Listening Association <www.listen.org/pages/ irritating listening habits.html>, January 2001.

The Don’ts of listening
? ? ? ? ? ? Don’t listen without looking Don’t interrupt the speaker Don’t allow distractions Don’t appear judgemental Don’t look bored Don’t yawn during a meeting with your clients, if you do, apologise!

Questions
? What do you normally do when you are having trouble focusing on the speaker? ? What are some non-verbal ways to show you are listening? ? What are some verbal ways to show you are listening? ? What are some general things that distract you from listening in classes? What are some things that might distract the teacher?

Three levels of listening
? ? ?

Listening in spurts Hearing words, but not really listening Empathetic listening “You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.” ~ M. Scott Peck

Empathic Listening
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Listening to feeling
?

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identify, recognize and respond to emotional message feelings behind words can change message

Conscious Listening Continuum
Hearing Informational Listening Critical Listening Self-Reflexive Listening Listener reflects on how what is said applies to his or her life Conscious Listening Listener becomes open to the speakers point of view.

Listener processes a signal from the speaker

Listener Listener identifies the deliberates on signals as what is said, words. Moves exploring the from hearing to logic, reason and listening. point of view of the speaker

Mindless Listening

Mindful Listening

What?s difference between men and women?
Studies have shown that men communicate to report and women communicate to build rapport. Men in business typically see communications as a process of delivering a message-a one-sided process intended to impart knowledge Women communicate to create mutual understanding, they are more receptive to feedback and to the responses of others. Women are typically considered more empathetic listeners. Women can become frustrated with men?s inability to listen rather than react

Men get frustrated with lengthy conversations when a short conversation and quick decision can be made

Communications and Gender
? Are the differences genetic or learned? Does it matter? ? Typical patterns: this doesn?t apply to all women or all men
W om en R a p p o rt E x p re s s iv e S u p p o rtiv e T e n ta tiv e In itia te a n d m a in ta in M en R e p o rt In s tru m e n ta l A d v is in g C e rta in C o n tro l

Tips for effective Listening
? cut distractions ? Get in touch with speaker ? Show interest ? Don’t interrupt ? Ask reflective questions ? Use prompts to direct

How to Listen
Nature gave people two ears but only one tongue, which is a gentle guide that they should listen more than they talk.

Listening requires two ears, one for meaning and one for feeling.

Decision makers who do not listen have less information for making sound decisions.

Improve your listening skills
? ? ? ? Identify your listening problems and work to correct them. Motivate yourself to get everything you can out of messages. Put problems and biases aside so that you can listen more effectively. Control your reactions to trigger words and other distractions.

?
? ?

Postpone judgments until you have heard all a speaker has to say.
Don?t try to write down everything a speaker says. Listen for the main ideas.

倾听时控制你的身体语言 ――SOCLEAR
S:调整高度与距离,以尊重个人空间范围的习惯。 O:以开放的姿势和身体语言进行交流。 C:交流中尽量集中你的注意力。 L: 轻微地向前倾斜以表示你的兴趣;过渡前倾则 意味着施加压力,而轻微后倾则可减少压力。 E:倾听时保持适当的眼睛接触以鼓励说话者。 A:跟随讲话者的话题给予适当的反馈。 R:放松与平和以使交流变得更轻松和开放。

Feedback
? Praise and criticism are provided:
– during the speech (nonverbally) – after the speech

? Criticizing the speech is not criticizing the person. ? You are responsible and accountable for the praise and criticism you provide.

REFLECTING FEELINGS

To interpret and check out the actual feelings of the client about what is happening.

In some circumstances, it is appropriate to reflect the feelings, as well as factual content, that you are hearing from the speaker. This is especially true in personal situations. Reflecting feelings is an expression of empathy. You might say something like, "It sounds as if you feel quite pressured right now," for example. Making explicit your understanding of the other person's feelings not only allows you to make sure you are interpreting correctly, it also sends a message that you are empathizing with the speaker.

Situation :
In order for your area to function well, it is necessary to coordinate your efforts with those of a co-worker from another area. You are in your office, setting up the next week's work schedule when Bob Jones, the co-worker from the other area, comes charging into your office without knocking and says, "Listen here! I am tired of having to clean up your mistakes. When are you going to do your job right? Enough is enough!"

You Reply:
a. "Now calm down, Bob. We're not going to get anywhere yelling at one another." b. “You listen here. Don?t you ever come barging into my office like this again. I won?t put up with that kind of crap胡言,垃圾 from anyone!" c. "Okay. Sit down and let's talk about it. I am sure we can work it out." d. "Seems as if you're frustrated about the way I've been doing things."

Guidelines for Providing Feedback
? ? ? ? ? Praise first, provide suggested improvements, praise last. When correcting, think in terms of options & solutions. Limit feedback to 1 or 2 specific points the speaker can focus on. Be specific, descriptive and avoid generalities. Must be constructive, reinforcing and redirectional 重定向 .

? Must be believable.

Effective feedback cont’d
? Must be supportive: should enhance job performance of staff and not destroy it. ? Must be continual: e.g staff appraisal should not be just an annual affair, but continual. ? Should never be delayed: If delayed could have adverse effects on smooth running of the organization

商店打烊时
? 以下是一个简单的倾听测试。 ? 1、先将习题(一)的内容发给学生,讲师 说一个情节(情节内容见习题二),让学 生去回答下面的12个判断题 ? 2、做完习题一之后,将习题二发给学生, 让学生看刚刚说的情节进行判断,提醒学 生不要受习题一答案的影响 ? 3、最后公布答案

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

请不要耽搁时间 1、店主将店堂内的灯关掉后,一男子到达 2、抢劫者是一男子 3、来的那个男子没有索要钱款 4、打开收银机的那个男子是店主 5、店主倒出收银机中的东西后逃离 6、故事中提到了收银机,但没说里面具体有多少钱 7、抢劫者向店主索要钱款

正确 T T T T T T T

错误 F F F F F F F

不知 ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

? ? ? ? ? ? ?

8、索要钱款的男子倒出收银机中的东西后,急忙 离开 9、抢劫者打开了收银机 10、店堂灯关掉后,一个男子来了 11、抢劫者没有把钱随身带走 12、故事涉及三个人物:店主,一个索要钱款的 男子,以及一个警察

T T T T T

F F F F F

? ? ? ? ?

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

习题:商店打烊时(答案) 请不要耽搁时间 答案 1、店主将店堂内的灯关掉后,一男子到达 ?商人不等于店主 2、抢劫者是一男子 ?不确定,索要钱款不 一定是抢劫 3、来的那个男子没有索要钱款 F 4、打开收银机的那个男子是店主 ? 店主不一定是男 的 5、店主倒出收银机中的东西后逃离 ? 6、故事中提到了收银机,但没说里面具体有多少钱 T 7、抢劫者向店主索要钱款 ? 8、索要钱款的男子倒出收银机中的东西后,急忙离开 ? 9、抢劫者打开了收银机 F 10、店堂灯关掉后,一个男子来了 T 11、抢劫者没有把钱随身带走 ? 12、故事涉及三个人物:店主,一个索要钱款的男子,以及一个警察 ?

Active Listening Exercise

? Purpose: This exercise gives students practice actively listening to others, a skill that incorporates both listening and giving feedback. ? Guide for this exercise ? 1. One team member is the speaker, and the other members are the listeners. ? 2. The speaker takes a minute or so to express an idea, opinion, thought, or feeling about what the team is working on at the time. ? 3 The speaker then calls on one of the listeners to paraphrase what was expressed.

4 The speaker then gives feedback to the listener regarding the accuracy of the response. 5 The listener must then hone磨练 the response until the speaker is satisfied with the accuracy of the response. 6 Once the speaker is satisfied, the listener can follow up by asking, “Is there anything else about that?”, thus continuing the process 7 Once this is completed, the roles can be changed and the process repeated.

Listening in Business and Professional Contexts
? Conscious listening should be a goal for anyone in business. Here are a few exercises to assist with skill-building. Break into groups discuss the following:
– List strategies for overcoming gender barriers to communications. – Discuss strategies for overcoming a negative communication history with a colleague. – Identify at least four strategies for conscious listening – Identify several strategies for listening during a conflict and with chronic complainers.

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

水草 时间:20分钟 人数:不限 适用范围:创造力 案情:一个男人,走到湖边的一个小木屋,同一个陌生人 交谈以后,就跳到湖里死了。 过程: 1、由培训师交代案情,学员通过问封闭性问题的方式去 判断案情的起因。 2、培训师只负责学员的问题,但只能说“是”或“不是” 3、计时间。

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

沙漠奇案 时间:20分钟 人数:不限 适用范围:创造力 案情:一个男人,在沙漠当中一丝不挂躺着,死了,周围 没有痕迹。 过程: 1、 由培训师交代案情,学员通过问封闭性问题的方式去 判断案情的起因。 2、 培训师只负责学员的问题,但只能说“是”或“不是” 3、 计时间。

? 故事的起因: ? 一对夫妇乘坐热气球在一望无际的沙漠当 中探险,不幸在途中热气球燃料不足,需 要减轻热气球的重量,。夫妇想尽办法, 将一切可以扔的东西都全部扔掉,甚至包 括衣服,但是这仍不能根本解决问题,最 后,丈夫为了他心爱的妻子能够逃出升天, 就舍弃了自己的生命,跳下沙漠中身亡。

You have listened attentively this time?
? Thank you ? for your ? attention!!


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